Heathers
by CoreyWrites
Summary: Veronica Sawyer, a brainy Ravenclaw hustles her way into the most powerful clique at Hogwarts: the Heathers. But before she can get comfy atop the high school food chain, Veronica falls for the dangerous Slytherin J.D. When the Almighty Heather Chandler kicks her out, Veronica decides to bite the bullet and kiss Heather's aerobicized ass… but J.D. has another plan for that bullet.
1. Beautiful

**Hi! So I decided to write a Heathers/Harry Potter crossover fic! The only canon hp characters will be a few professors, as this takes place in between the Marauders verse and the Golden Trio verse. It'll be sort of a mix between movie!Heathers and musical!Heathers so Hope you enjoy and don't forget to rate and comment.**

_September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary,_

_Well, it's here. The first day of seventh year. I look around at all of these people I've known since we were eleven, and I think to myself, 'What the hell happened?'. I remember when we were all tiny and pimple faced and worried that we couldn't cast a proper levitation spell. Now everything is all about crushing anyone and everyone in your way. The only constant is Martha Dunnstock, my best friend since…. diapers. She's got a huge heart, but around here, that doesn't cut i-_

Veronica Sawyer quit writing away in her diary after the third tap on her shoulder, which happened to come from the very person she'd been writing about. "Hey Martha." A wide smile broke across her face at the sight of her best friend.

"Veronica! I missed you on the train, I wanted to show you the birthday present I got over the summer!" She pulled a compact, rectangular piece of metal attached to a black string connecting the device to a pair of earmuffs. "They call it a walkman, you see, you press a button on the player, and music comes out through the headphones. It's even got yellow on the side, for Hufflepuff!" She would've demonstrated, but it was common knowledge that electronic items didn't work inside castle walls.

"That's great, Martha, you'll have to show me how that works when we go to Hogsmeade." Martha was one of the few muggleborns Veronica knew, but Martha made sure her best friend stayed up to date with all the new innovations in the muggle world. Who knew, it might come in handy one day.

"What classes do you have this year? I have Charms and Herbology on Mon-" Veronica's second interruption came in the form of a small stink pellet, thrown by none other than the Gryffindor Keeper, Kurt Kelly. Seemingly immune to the fumes of rotten food that now floated through the courtyard. "Martha Dumptruck, Mudblood Bank!" The insult was followed by a belch directed towards the Hufflepuff's ear. This sort of harassment had been an almost daily occurrence since 5th year; Martha was used to it. Veronica, however, was not.

_Kurt Kelly, Keeper. He is the __**smartest **__guy on the quidditch team; which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf._

"Hey! Pick that up! Right now!" Veronica barked, picking up an authoritative tone that didn't quite fit her voice. "What gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a Hogwarts hobo waiting to happen. A future dishwasher at the Leaky Cauldron."

Kurt scowled, advancing toward Veronica like a lion. Stopping only when their faces almost touched, the Gryffindor raised his pointer finger to her forehead as a vicious smirk spread across his face. "You got a zit _right _there." He said, loud enough for the entire courtyard to hear. Teasing claps and laughter sounded from the nearby Gryffindor Quidditch team, waiting patiently for their Keeper.

_Dear Diary,_

_Why? It's like someone threw us in here to fight to the death._

The laughter and and bullying only ended at the entrance of three girls, each from different houses. Each wore a single colored headband and matching brooch. One green, one yellow, and one red. All anyone could do was watch in awe.

_And then there's the Heathers...they just float above it all. Heather McNamara, Hufflepuff. Her Dad is __**loaded. **__He sells brooms. Heather Duke, Slytherin. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants. _

_Heather Chandler, Gryffindor. She is a mythic bitch._

_They're solid teflon, never touched, never bothered, never harassed. Everyone either wants to be a Heather or be with a Heather. I would do anything to be like that._

"Grow up Heather, Bulimia is _so '87._" Heather Chandler groaned as she reapplied her makeup in the girl's lavatory on the second floor.

"Heather's right. Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather." Heather McNamara frowned, patting the back of Heather Duke, who'd just finished throwing up.

"Yeah Heather, maybe you're right." She said weakly, before ducking back into one of the stalls.

"Ah, Heather and Heather." Professor Trelawney stood in the door of the lavatory. The sickening sound of regurgitation alerted the professor to the presence of Duke. "And Heather. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You all are late for class."

"Heather's not feeling well. We're _helping _her." Chandler justified, though the look on her face definitely showed her disdain toward the teacher.

"Not without a hall pass. Week's detention for all of you." Just as Trelawney turned to leave, Veronica, who'd conveniently been inside an adjacent stall, burst out, holding a folded sheet of paper, torn from her diary. "Actually, Professor, all four of us are out on a hall pass." She handed over the forgery and hoped she'd nailed Dumbledore's signature well enough.

"Well...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going." The Divination teacher grumbled, leaving the girls to their business.

"Thanks for the assist," Heather Chandler looked to Veronica, the other two flanking her on either side. "Who are you?"

"I-I'm Veronica Sawyer. Uh, I crave a boon."

"What boon?"

"Let me sit with you guys at lunch today. No talking necessary. If people see that you tolerate me, maybe they'll leave me alone." Hopefully, she could be an untouchable by association, and then Martha could be an untouchable by second-hand association.

The Heathers laughed daintily, almost as if they'd spent hours learning how to harmonize and synchronize their laughter.

"Before you answer I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes."

"How about prescriptions?" Duke piped up, only to be silenced by an aggressive "Shut up, Heather!" by Chandler. "Well, you do have good bone structure." McNamara nodded in agreement. "And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull I'd have matching halves. That's very important."

"And you know, this could be beautiful," Chandler waved a hand in front of Veronica's face, imagining it with makeup. "Mascara, maybe some lip gloss and we're on our way. Heather, I need your brush. We could have this done by lunch." She said contentedly, motioning for the Heathers to surround Veronica. "Okay?"

"Okay!"

_Dear Diary,_

_When you're beautiful, it's a beautiful freakin' day._


	2. Candy Store

**A/N: This chapter is gonna be more movie! than musical! because really the most that happened in the musical in this scene was Candy Store. **

_Dear Diary,_

_Dear diary, it's been three weeks since I became friends with the Heathers!_

_Actually friends isn't exactly the right word. It's more like the Heathers are people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit. Heather told me she teaches people 'Real Life'. __She said Real Life sucks Losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly._

As the bell for lunch sounded, The young Ravenclaw made her way through the halls, meeting almost immediate approach by Martha, their first encounter since she'd joined Hogwarts' most exclusive clique.

"Hey Veronica!" Martha grinned, clutching all ten of her books for the day with a strong grip.

"Hey!"

"You really do look beautiful these days."

"Awh, thanks Martha, but it's still the same old me inside."

"Are you sure?" Martha squeaked, fixing her eyes on her books as if they were the most important things on school grounds. It was then that Veronica realized that they'd supposed to have studied together last week- the same night the Heathers wanted her to sneak into Hogsmeade and buy a blue brooch and headband to match Heather Chandler's red scrunchie, Heather Duke's green bow, and Heather McNamara's yellow ribbon. She ended up only getting the brooch because Chandler decided the headband made her look 'like a homeless goblin.'

"Look, sorry I flaked out on our study session, I've just had so much going on lately." Veronica said, trying to justify her actions.

"I-It's okay, you're with the Heathers now, must be nice."

Speaking of the devil, A certain Slytherin Heather came stalking up to Veronica, completely ignoring Martha's presence. "Veronica, Heather wants you to haul ass to the cafeteria, yesterday." Heather stated rather matter-of-factly.

"How very. We'll talk, Martha, I promise!" Veronica called as she was pulled away by the impatient Slytherin.

Heather McNamara stood by the door as if she'd been awaiting Veronica and Heather Duke's return. "She really wants to talk to you." The Hufflepuff told her, flanking Veronica's right side while Duke flanked the left when they entered the Great Hall. Heather Chandler had been waiting at the Gryffindor table with a mildly irritated scowl on her face. In between her and the nearest person sitting was about ten feet of space, more than enough room for the other Heathers and Veronica to join and sit comfortably. "Hello Heather." Veronica stated, feeling as though she were greeting a Queen.

"Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of Ram Sweeney's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in Ram's handwriting and we'll slip it into Martha Dumptruck's lunch plate." She pulled a crumpled yellow piece of paper from her robes, a failed transfiguration exam in Ram's handwriting. Everything Heather Chandler said sounded as if it were coming out of a lioness' mouth. Stunning but dangerous. A true Gryffindor at heart, She really was a mythic bitch.

Veronica's jaw threatened to drop as she looked over at Martha all the way across the Great Hall at the Hufflepuff Table, eating lunch alone. "Please don't do this. Not to Martha. She's had a thing for Sweeney for years, it'll crush her."

"What? It'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for _weeks_!" Heather Duke chimed, a villainous smirk that attempted to mimic Heather Chandler's starting to spread across her porcelain face.

"Shut up, Heather!" Chandler barked, attracting the attention of a few nearby fourth years who starred in awe at the combined beauty of the four girls. "You'll need something to write on. Heather, bend over."

Despite the fact that they were all sitting at a table, Both remaining Heathers stood up and bent over, causing a vicious laugh from Heather Chandler. "Nice. Heather Duke, stay down."

With a disappointed sigh, Heather Duke straightened her back and Veronica stood up to write.

"Now, copy this. Hey beautiful. I've been watching you and thinking about us in the old days. I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend. I miss you, Ram. Put an XO after the signature." The witch laughed and snatched the paper from Veronica as soon as she was done, folding it and calling over the Quidditch player. "Was that so hard? Like stepping into a Candy Store. Ram, be a dear and give this note to Martha Dumptruck. Don't read it, She's having _extra heavy flow _and needs advice from my Gyno."

Ram pulled a sour face and held the note at the corners as if the letter itself was having extra heavy flow.

Veronica watched it all, feeling a mixture of shame at herself and anger at Heather Chandler.

She didn't even notice all three Heathers were staring at her expectantly.

"Galleon for your thoughts, Veronica?" McNamara asked softly, twiddling with a strand of her own hair.

"Doesn't it bother you that everyone in the school thinks you're a piranha?"

Speaking for all three of them, Heather Chandler gave a cruel laugh. "Like we give a shit. They all want us as a friend or a fuck. We're worshipped at Hogwarts and we can't even apparate. Now, you can keep testing me or you can end up like Dumptruck over there." She said carelessly, giving a nod toward the Hufflepuff, who was currently beaming at the note. It was obvious she'd already read it- the damage was done.

Veronica sighed and tried to block out the laughter of the three Heathers, scanning the cafeteria when she caught the eye of a mysterious, pale skinned boy sitting in the corner of the Slytherin table. The only thing that snapped her out of her trance was the pain from Heather Chandler wrapping a perfectly manicured bronze hand around a chunk of her hair and pulling roughly. "I said let's go, Veronica!"

**A/N Did I mention Heather Chandler is black? Now I did! Next Chapter is where we learn more about this mysterious, pale Slytherin.**


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